One of the problems I have with things is classified officially as catastrophising. It means that I look at everything with the worst possible outcomes in mind. Of course this turns every aspect of life in to an opportunity for more anxiety. During cognitive behavioural therapy, it was an issue that was touched on but never fully dealt with as my therapist at the time was going through some stuff in her life and used our sessions to offload her problems...
As an example of catastrophising for anyone who is lucky enough not to have experienced it, imagine walking down a street. What could go wrong? It rains? You meet someone you can't stand and have to make polite chit chat? For someone who is in the mindset of catastrophising, things are much more epic. From being hit by an out of control vehicle to being beaten up by yobs via being attacked by an animal and being hit by falling masonry. Getting to the front of a checkout and discovering you have no money with you pales in to insignificance.
Those thoughts of "Did I turn the gas off?" end with your home and everything you own being destroyed by a gas blast or a fire. I worry about the people close to me because I can't keep watch over them all the time so I have no idea what is happening to them. Being out with people is just as traumatising as I worry about being harmed and not being able to intervene.
When I was in my first bout of therapy, I used catastrophising as a way to deal with other stuff. My therapist at the time thought it was strange but went with the idea as it was helping my fears be focused rather than allowing them to roam free. As a natural born worrier, I found a way to appease the urge to worry by feeding it something else. So I used to keep a list with me and I would add one thing to the list every day. Whatever was added to the list would need to be carefully played out in my mind in a range of everyday settings to see how it worked. That stopped me worrying about anything else. The list was entitled 'I am not going to worry about tomorrow as later today I could be killed by...' Entries were then listed below. For example, some of the entries were things like 'a crashing plane', 'a swarm of bees', 'a zombie apocalypse', etc. As time went on, the entries became more wild and would provide fuel for my nightmares as I had played the scenarios out so fully in my head. Ultimately the list proved to be a bad thing as I am now aware of all the (im)possibilities.
Even though I know the thoughts are irrational, I can't let them go. So if you are ever out with me and I seem distracted for a moment, don't worry...I am just looking for falling buildings, asteroids and zombies.
